none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
