omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
