if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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