Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I have already put on my inside pants.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
