I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
