Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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