I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
