Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize