Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
