we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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