Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
