mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
