The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
