Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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