So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i've created a new STD.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
