Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
