Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
