i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
