Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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