I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
