the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
