Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
