She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
