Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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