in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
they call him Oral-B. enough said
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
