So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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