Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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