I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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