so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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