my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
