yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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