Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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