My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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