Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
