Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
