I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
