i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
