who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
it hurts more in the daytime
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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