She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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