Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Holy sore nipples Batman
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize