At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Randomize
