there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
