I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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