fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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