it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
