I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
