I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
