Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
