i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
