Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
