Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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