We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize