Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
