there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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