so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
