her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
