I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize