Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
