his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
