so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
