fuck your aforementioned shoe
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
