p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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