I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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