Taylor Swift is so right about you.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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