Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
