I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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