I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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