I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So much rum. So many feels.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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