i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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